you look delicious like a really juicy peach i’ve never felt this for the first time i can’t explain in words as the stars begin to burn a little love song

Jose Vanders – A Little Love Song.
I’ve used it before, and i’ll use it again. It’s beautiful.

I know i said  wouldn’t blog. I say a lot of things. But i’m happy. And that changes my world.

So. I went away to Turkey for a week. I sent a text to the 4 people that mean the most in the world to me, because i had a very bad feeling about the plane. I know it sounds stupid, but i was scared, so i texted those 4 people saying if anything happened, i loved them, and honestly meant that. But, I’m alive, and that’s good. I got chatted up by turkish waiters, went on a jeep safari and had a water fight, got a slight tan, and got caked in mud. It was great. All the time i kept in contact with Lizzy and Josh, and it was really good.
But what i loved most about my holiday was coming back. I had a few texts from various people throughout the week, most of which i didn’t really care enough to reply to. But as soon as i turned on my phone, the first text i got was off Mark. And we texted msot of the night. And taht was great. He knew i was nervous abotu the flight, and he even checked the news to make sure i was safely there. And that really made me happy. Because he’s lovely. And then he asked me what i thought my purpose in life is.

I gave him a simple answer, saying i just thought it was to make people happy. Then i got to thinking. I don’t aim to make people happy. I aim to make people happy who need or deserve it. I mean, if someone’s upset, i want to help them out. I feel bad that they’re upset, and that upsets me. So, i do want to make people happy. But i also try and bring judgement to those who deserve it. If people act out of order… then i’ll try and have the courage to voice my discouragement on what they’re doing. And if they continue or argue… then granted, i’ll loose my temper, but i genuinly think my judgement’s unbias, so i don’t mind so much.

ANYWAY of from that.

The reasons i’m happy:
-It’s summer
-Because it’s summer, i get to see josh regularly, and he makes me happy
-Lizzy is the bestest ever friend i could get.
-My boyfriend thinks i’m beautiful
-I have some friends that mean a lot to me, and they care.
-I didn’t die/I’m alive
-I spent hours with my boyfriend hanging out with him. And although i know i’ve said i’ve loved before and whatever, i honestly do love him. Ask Lizzy… he’s pretty damn close to perfect. And i can admit that, because it’s true. Ask Lizzy.
-I’ve read a lot, and reading makes me happy
-I’m listening to a beautiful song that i love to sing along to
…. the list goes on.

And sorry…. i know i just mentioned josh. But it reminded me of something.

The word “Forever”. I hate saying that word. When i tell someone i love them, i don’t like saying forever. I’m pessimistic, i know i won’t be alive forever, so how can i love them. But, thinking on this, I’m a christian. Whether you believe in god or not doesn’t affect me. So, in reailty, i believe in eternal life. Which kinda means i believe that i could share feelings forever. So then i confused myself.
So i decided, i don’t care about forever. I’m living right now.
Josh told me today that he wished we could be together forever. And it didn’t bother me. It didn’t upset me. It was beautiful.
I know i’m only 15.
Thing is…. as a veiw Josh now, he;s perfect. He’s beyond clever, he makes me laugh a lot, we joke about, we make eachother happy. He’s a perfect gentleman… and i don’t know anyone who doesn’t like him. He’s just like that. Plus he’s bloody gorgeous. That’s just a massive bonus though. And i know that when he’s older, he’s going to make someone the happiest wife in the world. I have to think of how many people find true love at 15, and how many couples last that. I know chances are against me. I just can’t help but wish that i could be with him for as long as possible. He makes me truly happy. I don’t just wanna shag him. I like chatting to him. I don’t loose my patience. And yeah…. i dont; know what that was about.

Anyway… I’m going to start a new blog. I’m not sure of the address. But i feel like a new person. I still get upset a lot, and i have my depressed moments, but since the 26th of April, i honestly feel like someone different. And she deserves a blog that isn’t empty. There will be a new introduction, and possibley a new sign off. Most likely to be found at http://emmaodonnell.wordpress.com . In fact, it will be found there.

So, hopefully for the last time,

Peace out, Much Love, Rock On
Emma O’Donnell
xxxxxxxx

I got a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same A window and a pigeon with a broken wing You can spend your whole life workin’ for something Just to have it taken away

Ain’t No Reason – Brett Dennen.

These blogs really shouldn’t be often anymore.

I’ve resorted to writing out in my massive pad. That way, my life is mine, and noone elses to see.

I still love you.
And i think i always shall.
Memories hurt.
But it’s a good pain.
We never cared.
Thing’s changed.
It happens.
I miss you.

Protected: Yes, this is passworded, get over it. Don’t get upset, don’t get offended, don’t get paranoid.. learn to stop giving a shit. And let me go home.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

A collection of open letters;

Dear Lizzy,
Thank-you for being around. We’ve had our ups and downs… to say the least. But I’m pretty damn happy you’re in my life. You make fucking awesome cakes, and again, I’m sorry for 1) getting pissed when i was at yours and acting like a twat and 2) almost setting your kitchen on fire. But… you know.. looking back on those times… we always laugh. i hope you and paddington the she-male bear are doing fine. I like him and his little wiener. I’d just like to let you know that i think you are epic. And although i never show it, i have mad respect for you babes.
DFTBA
I love you
xxxxxx

Dear Alex.
Hi Alex. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that i always act like a dick. I’m sorry that i told you i really really liked you, and then fell in love with someone else. I really am sorry for that one. I really do feel incredibly guilty for that one. And I’m sorry that i act like a slag when around you. That honestly isn’t who i am, but I’m still sorry.
I still have the letter you wrote me, and it still makes me smile. When we talk about Harry Potter because you had to dip your pen into ink. Those were the good old days. And thank you for lending me your jacket. I’m sorry you got hurt and weren’t in school for that week. I really missed you. And i just miss you generally, being honest.
Once again, sincerest apologies.
You’re still be fucking awesome.
xxx

Dear Luke
I’m aware some people won’t read these open letters… and i know you definitely won’t. I’ll send you the link so you can read it some day.
I’ve always loved you. I mean, even when i fancied you, i loved you. Remember science in year 8, when we became really close. Langford days. Those were good. And the lessons we had with Miss James, when me, you, Lewis and nataly sat together. We used to have such laughs. You promised to get me a penguin for my birthday. I think i always hoped you’d remember that, and get me like i teddy penguin or something. That’s how childish i am. I used to be really upset when you always beat me. I think you’re where my competitiveness started. I don’t mind you beating me anymore. I just realised there’s always gunno be something i suck at, that you’re awesome at. And i don’t mind. We’ve both been dicks in the past. And i still feel really sorry for breaking up with you. I do love you. You’re an amazing person. You don’t like to admit it, but you really are. Remember when i was crying because ayrton had dumped me? You always tried to make me laugh and cheer me up. I remember all the great stuff you’ve done to keep me smiling. That’s why you’re amazing. And i really owe you a lot. I mean, in year 8. I was going through some rough patches. And you found out about some bad stuff i was doing. And you genuinely cared. I remember, i was wearing my purple wristband. And me and you just walked down the 3 steps outside the science block when i told you. And you looked, and you cared. I think you’re a lot more caring than you let on. And i really do love you.
I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you. We may fall out, and we may be stubborn, but whenever you need me, I’m there for you. Because good guys need someone there sometimes.
We are idiots, but we love  each other for it
xxx

Dear James,
it’d be idiocy for you not to have a letter.
Yes, i am aware that we’re not friends. That we’re not talking. And being honest, I’m not really interested in this anymore. If you think it’s best we’re not friends, that’s fine. I’m not going to argue for our friendship. Being honest, it’s pissing me off that all i ever hear is you thought i only wanted you when i was sad. Truth is, I’m sad now. But it still doesn’t make me feel the need to talk to you. And I’m sorry i said i didn’t want to hold your hand. But i had Josh, and you and Sav were getting closer. It just started to seem wrong. I can guess that Sav wouldn’t of liked it that we were stupidly close.
Please, stop being so paranoid. When i bitch and rant, chances are, it won’t be about you. I’ve moved on, just as you have.
But (and i know this is a long shot) if you ever do want to talk, I’ll still be here. It’s not as if i have anywhere else to go.
I still love you. Whether it’s requited or not.

Dear elbows,
i’ve never really thanked you. I’m sorry that i’ve worked and messed you up so much that you crack constantly. But you are pretty awesome. And you deserve to be thanked.
DFTBA

Dear Lilacs
You’re just awesome. Keep… being awesome.

Dear Dan.
Now, we’ve never met. And probably won’t until summer. But i still think you’re amazing. You cheer me up. and you care. We will forever be sugar and spice. And roses willalways be our song… “cause roses really smell like poo-oo-oo” You always cheer me up, and we come up with these crazy things. But we are awesome. We will always be awesomely awesome We just can’t help it.
Don’t worry about the future. And don’t worry about your appearence. You are pretty fit, so chillax
I love you
xxx

Dear random tooth
Why are you so random? You really do annoy me quite a lot. You’ve fucked up my mouth, and you’ve made me need braces for when my boyfriend has his taken off. That’s just mean. But, you are pretty individual, and that’s pretty cool. So yeah…. keep being an individual.
x

Dear Jack Johnson.
You write beautiful songs that make me happy. When i was feeling really really sad, “Better Together” made me cheer up. It gave me hope. And you should be proud that your musical abilities can give people hope.
DFTBA
xx

Dear Hank and John Green,
DFTBA records is amazing. And you guys, are just genuinly brilliant. You’re witty and creative, and of course, nerds. And those just so happen to be my 3 favourite things in a person! So thanks for being awesome. Nerd-fighters will rule the world, not through force, or via cheating the system like in Iran, but just by being made of awesome.
Thanks for just being you guys,
xxx

Dear The Sims3
Why do you not work on my computer? It’s not fair. I waited forever for you, and then you couldn’t work. It was not fair.
But i will play you on Daves, and you will still be immense.
x

Dear Forgotten
If you’re reading this, you may be wondering why you don’t have a letter. You’ll probably receive one, one day. But these were just some of the things on my mind. Hopefully, now, my mind will be an empty vessel once again. But you will be awesome, just for reading this. So don’t worry. I love you, whoever you are.
DFTBA
xxxx

Peace out, rock on, much love
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Cause I’m only as tall as my heart will let me be And I’m only as small as the world will make me seem When the going gets rough and I feel like I may fall I’ll look on the brightside – I’m roughly six feet tall.

NeverShoutNever! – On The Brightside. i’m not snazzy enough to do youtube vids. But it’s an adorable song that i love.

So… here we are again. Blogging a long and ranty boring peice of crap that noone actually reads. The blogging era is no more. It’s no longer interesting or vital. I don’t care. I’ll blog when i want to and read up on others when i care enough to.

Hmmm… don’t think much has happened.

I was away in ireland, in a dead town for a week, and couldn’t contact people very often. I got a pedicure… that’s a dull story.
Other stuffs happened. Only a few people have heard about it. It’s upsetting and annoying.. but hey ho, that’s life.

I don’t think people can ever really be happy. They can seem happy, and portray happiness, but there’s always something out there that upsets them. That’s why i’m not happy. There are a lot of problems in life, not just in mine. I mean, people suffer from depression, people can feel isolated, alone, lost. People may hate their ignorance. People may be hated for their ignorance, and this itself can be upsetting. But we can’t just focus on these problems. Everyone has a reason to live, wether it’s prominent in their life right now or not. I have my reasons. I have a best friend, and even though we piss eachother off sometimes, we lvoe eachother. I mean, i was away for one week, and felt completely lonely because i hadn’t seen my best friend. I have a boyfriend who loves me a lot. I’m content. Not happy, content. And the fact that i can feel content, despite the fact a lot of stuff is missing and wrong with my life, i think, makes me a better person. I don’t mean better in comparison to others. I mean better than i could be. I think it’s important to potray happiness. Contentness i think is a form of happiness. I mean, to be happy, surely you need to feel content with life?

Oh, i don’t know.

Well, i’ve had an okay week, and a fantastic day. And only 2 more weeks or so till i get to see josh <3

Peace out, rock on, much love

xx

I am running out of words to say to, wondering why am i wasting my time. Thinking back and wondering why i’m such a fool. For loving you.

Bloody love this song! YourBiggestFan – NeverShoutNever!

These really are immense. Haha. They make me happy

Okay.. well first.. i got given a password before. And i need to remember that password. So Liz, when you read this, please remember that password. You know i’m not going to read it. I’m not reading until i feel like i should. I mean.. it isn’t mine to read.
Likewise though, i’m not gunno bitch and moan. I have no reason to. People make choices. They have their reasons. All i can do is accept them. And that’s what i’m doing. I’m accepting, and moving on with my life.

Moving on. Wednesday. Was a good day. At school. I went to the cinemas. That was fun. Got home. Everything just fucked up then and there, There were arguements. My dog bit me. Now my leg is messed up, the one time of the year i consider flautning my legs. That sucks. I’ll live.

Off to Ireland tomorrow. Today was the last time i see Josh for 3 weeks. That’s upsetting. Oh well. I’ll still talk to him. <3

So yeah… not much else to say. I don’t really have much to rant about.. and i’m kinda busy.

Peace out, rock on, much love

xx

Oh, we can’t make up for the lost times That we both apologized for I can’t stand the fact that this extremity Is the center of my day You’re the center of my day

NeverShoutNever- Dare4Distance

Oh my god. Haha. I love these. Josh Brierly (who is now like, my 3rd favourite person) was singing them to me all weekend. I <3 him. He’s bloody amazing. Haha. He understands the shit i’ve been through… and just generally is on of the most genuine, lovely guys i know. And he’s piss funny

So yeah, i got to spend the weekend with my 3 favourite people. I got to spend it with Lizzy. That everyone who reads this will know about. Haha, if i had to share a room with someone, i was bloody glad it was her. Although granted, she was a bit of a slob. But it was awesome I sat with her on the coach there, and that was awesome. Although a lot of the time i was tickling Josh.

Ohh.. now to mention Josh. Noone’s really met him who’ll read this.

I met Josh when i went away to Anglesey, and as soon as i noticed him, i knew for a fact that i’d end up chatting to him. He just made me really curious about him. He seemed pretty intimidating, but he had a laugh with people. I remember when we were all first sat around in the circle, and we had to say one thing about ourselves in the group.. and his was “I hate group talks”… and it just made me laugh. ANd we loved spending the week together. And we’ve been texting since, and seeing eachother every now and again. But this weekend, i got to spend basically the whole weekend with him. And it was amazing.  Honestly, I’m bloody lucky to have him. He isn’t interested in me just because he thinks i’m good looking. In fact, he said he noticed me before we even got to Anglesey and met. And he is just… lovely. And good looking. And amazing.

And because of Josh, i got to meet Josh B. Who is just sweet. I spent the majority of the weekend with him aswell. Eating meals, listening in the workshops, and just chilling out.

Josh and Josh both just, think I’m awesome. And i love that. No matter how many times i try and disagree with them, they still think I’m a great person.

And i actually feel like one.

Honestly guys, i know i’ve only been with Oldham Youth Council for like… 2 months. But it has actually just made me feel like a better person. I don’t need to hold these pathetic grudges against people. It doesn’t mean that i love everyone. It just means that i don’t hate anyone.

Oh, and if there’s any confusion about James…. me and him just aren’t friends. That’s it. And i’m not bothered. He can think what he wants and say what he wants. I don’t care. If he’s gunno PMS and decide he doesn’t want to be my friend once a month, then i don’t care. It’s his choice, and it doesn’t even bother me.

i <3 U GUYS

Peace out, rock on, much love

xx

I don’t want this moment, to ever end. Where everything’s nothing, without you.

Hey Kids.

You know what… i genuingly have something to rant about.

Why would someone who’s supposed to be a friend purposely want to make you paranoid. I’m not a dick. I know what’s going on. And what’s more, i don’t care. I just think you’re pathetic and childish.

Yeah… i do think love’s more important than friendship. BUT HELLO! Friendships are love.

Okay, Lizzy is like probably my closest friend, who’s heard everything about me, and most likely every one of my opinions. I mean, i’ve even tried to share my religion with her, so she’s obviouslkey someone i trust loads.
And Josh. Well, he’s my boyfriend. I think everyone knows i’m crazy about him…

But okay.. Lizzy. I love her. She makes me smile when i feel like shit. She’s there for me, and i know i can trust her. We tell eachother basically everything if we’re up to it. And she’s my friend. And i love her.
And Josh. I love him. I can never be sad when he’s around, and i love being able to just, spend time with him, chatting and messing around. I love him. But surely for me to love him like i do, i also have to see the fact that he’s my friend.

You get it?

You don’t get great friendships without love, and you don’t get great love without a friendship.

Yeah… i just don’t want to mess this one up.

Everyone knows that me and you are too close. I noticed it long ago. I never cared. But now i do. I don’t want people to think there’s anything going on between me and you. It messed up one thing in my life, and i don’t want people’s ignorance to ruin anything else for me.

So feel free to carry on being as ignorant as you are right now.
I don’t mind.
I love you all the same.

Oh… and people.. i could be bothered to put the lyrics from With Me in the title…. but that song doesn’t belong to the person this blogs going out to. That one will always be Josh’ in my mind.

Peace out, Rock On, Much Love

xx

She’s got it out for me, but i wear the biggest smile

No idea why i used Misery Business for lyrics. I guess it’s just because it came on. Nice

Okay.. a few people have read this. I thought i’d type it out. Because although it makes me look like a cunt…. i enjoy it.

“I love you.
Despite the jokes, the arguements, the fall-outs.
I love you more than anything.
You are beyond mere beauty; angelcis. Even that cannot describe the depths of my longing for you.
I want your kisses every moment the sun kisses each grain of sand, and your hold as the moonlight hugs the darkened night.
Each morning i wake, you are the morning i long for. You make the fear of night vanish with every thought of you; your face, your scent, your body.
And when clouds descend upon my day, you make the storm cease.
I love you”

I think i may memorize it. Not that it particularaly means anything to me. I just.. enjoy the fact that people can hold such feelings for others.

Recently… i had a bit of a debate with someone whom i love quite a lot. He said he doesn’t believe love can work any sort of good. Well, that’s his belief… i shan’t tell him how much i disagree. But yeah… here… i can say anything i want. I like that freedom.
Sorry… i guess this is just going to be  abit of a rant.

I’m upset. I’m upset and bored. And depressed.
But life is great. Life is everything. Without life… we’d be nothing. We’d be forgotten. And if not forgotten, we’d be.. well.. lifeless. We’d have no ambition… no relationships… no feelings. And that’s upsetting.

I firmly believe there’s something bigger out there.  I change my view on religion on a regular basis. I do believe in god. But… i don’t know. I don’t always think God is everything he’s cracked up to be. You may disagree. I’m not bothered. So long as you help me out.. and don’ t just blatently argue. I don’t mind.
People are allowed opinions. That’s part of being human. We’re free to think. I like that. I like that i can think and think and think, about anything. About nothing. About everything.
I like that i can think so much it hurts.
I like that i can think so much that people think i’m crazy a little bit.
I like that people call me crazy.. and it doesn’t offend me.

People are allowed views.

Sorry.This is a bad blog. I may convert this to a video at soem point.
just a video about things i like. Things i don’t like. Who i am. What i believe.
I like that i can make that video. Freedom of speech. That’s something we aren’t really grateful for. We should be.

I hear a lot of people complaining about the BNP getting 2 chairs at something or other. I’m not one to follow politics. I know the BNP are “nazi-like” and “racist”. yes… their views are what i view as wrong. But, it’s their own view. And if they got 2 chairs.. that means that other people agree with them.
If we get over-ruled by racists… it’s the country itself that’s to blame.
I can’t do anything. I can’t actually vote.
But i know people that can’t vote… and will be affected. That’s bad.

But i can’t help these things.
I don’t like being vulnerable. I don’t like not being able to help.
Today in McDonalds.. and old lady fell over at the door. Don’t laugh… that’s cruel. I felt very bad. Nataly felt very bad. We couldn’t help. A crowd was already surrounding her. We couldn’t add to it. We cuold do nothing. I felt very bad for not being able to help. I should of rushed over anyway. I should of gone and got her some water. I should of done something. But these things can’t be helped.

I’ll live.

I hope whoever reads this are doing well. I hope you like listening to my views. I know i like voicing them.

Peace out, rock on, much love

xx

eh. Wth.

Okay. Don’t nkow about you, but i’m pretty safe in teh fact taht my parents would be there for me. Always. I’ve grown up… always being told by my mum how proud she is. How beautiful i am. How much she loves me.
And she wonders why i hate my dad.

No joke.. he is actually turning me insane.
I hate him.
I cannot stand being in his presence.
He makes me feel physically sick.

And he fucking pisses me off.

Small rant over.

May do a proper blog tomorrow to make up for this shit fest.

Emma, out.